Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
