i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
