id be glad to
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
my shit smells like andre
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
