So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
