Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
