i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Randomize
