I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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