"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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