I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
