i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Randomize
