do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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