Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
