she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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