So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
