saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
The uberlube is also flammable
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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