I'm really into asian looking animals
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
