toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
