we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
