I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
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