Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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