Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
