Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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