I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
