It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
home. puking in laundry basket.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
