Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
