he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
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