I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
