1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Randomize
