I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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