If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
