I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
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