Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
