Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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