Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
