Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
we should paint friendship bongs
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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