I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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