Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
