i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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