Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
