take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize