i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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