There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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