i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Rumble strips road head = magical
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
