So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
