I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
