Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
