"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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