Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Randomize
