i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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