He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Randomize
