I never want to see another naked old woman again.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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